My voice is getting deeper.
I am learning to give it time to rise up from the depths,
to speak with the sonorous reverberations of reflection and experience.
It used to come more quickly,
to beat staccato rhythms on the surface of my life,
tap-dancing with a light and pretty step,
meant to impress, entrance the audience,
and thus to hide the frantic drive
the constant shifts,
to balance on unsteady feet.
I used to hear all questions as a call to know the answer,
deny uncertainty,
fit my voice into the cadence of the scripted response.
A quick reply defeats the skeptic monster hiding in the pregnant silence,
the threat to birth exposure,
the messy, infant fear:
“I am a fraud…. I have nothing new and true to say.”
Words – high, strident, righteous (or self-righteous) words – were my defense,
building a facade to hide behind,
to awe the people I was too afraid to let inside.
As long as I appear to know, I will be safe.
Safe, but unknown.
Because I have to know myself to find my song,
my true, authentic, powerful voice.
I have to tear-down all the stage displays
and just stand still.
Not dancing.
Not performing.
But finally,
slowly,
breathing deep.
My voice is getting deeper.
I am learning to give it time to rise up from the depths.
There is slower music playing there.
The voice of living water.
Faith, Family, & Focaccia 