It has been a REALLY long time since I posted. Lots of reasons, and that is not the point of this post, but I am very conscious of how much I need this medium for words today. I need the healing of exploring my own soul and sharing that exploration in the belief that I am not alone. And, what is more, I need the belief that this sharing can be a way back to humanity, and compassion, and most of all HOPE.
And so, this is me sharing my soul. It is written in the form of a Psalm, because a psalm is what I needed today. So, I read the first 24 verses of Psalm 18 (I am very inconsistently working my way through the psalms as a self-care practice at the moment, and this was the next one up) and from that inspiration, I wrote my own.
Psalm January 29, 2017 (Loosely inspired by Psalm 18:1-24)
I said “I love you, God, my source of safety.”
God is the one I can always rely on – the one who is always there, who never rejects me.
God is my support.
I don’t have to prove myself to God.
God protects me from myself and from my need to demonstrate my worth.
I am safe with God.
Because God is so completely trustworthy, I came to God in prayer, begging,
and God filled my soul with the assurance that God is bigger than everything I am afraid of.
I was scared of so many things –
of pain for myself and for others,
of coldness in my soul,
of people feeling abandoned and my guilt for that abandonment,
because I am relatively safe.
In my tears and fear, I prayed.
I cried out to God, “HELP!”
And God heard!
In the truth of God’s glory, and power, and perfection, my fears and tears were NOT too light a thing to claim God’s attention.
God paid attention.
And when God responds, that response cannot be ignored.
God’s power, and truth, and righteousness are far beyond control.
God it not tame.
Even when I might get nervous about God’s righteous anger, it’s not for me to hold it back.
God’s love is fierce.
God’s commitment to creation and to each precious person will not sit back;
God will not wait and see;
God will not be conciliatory where there is evil in the world.
God’s love can burn like wildfire when it needs to.
And God’s truth can be as invasive as the darkness –
working where we cannot see
in preparation for the painfully revealing light.
When loud voices speak lies, God will speak louder,
and the enemies of God will be scattered.
They will be exposed in the places they thought they were safe –
in the center of their assumed power –
they will be shaken.
Nothing can resist God’s righteous anger.
God does not stay remote.
God has already touched me, grabbed me, and pulled my spirit to safety.
The quicksand cannot pull at me
when God has hold of me.
It tried –
it surrounded me with lies and fears and memory-scars of pain.
But God is stronger and God saved me.
God loves me and shows that I am worth saving.
God knows my failings, but God also knows my heart is turned toward love.
God has given me faith,
and so I seek God’s will,
and I reject fear and self-protection that denies God’s sovereignty.
I seek to know and understand how God’s way of living works,
and then I follow that way, imperfectly, through grace.
And so, God has protected me and given me this life –