Today is the fourteenth anniversary of the day Tyler and I made the most important promises of our lives. We loved each other very much, AND we did not yet understand very much about love, or what all those promises really meant. That ignorance was OK, however. It has been part of the gift of our marriage – the chance to learn together about love, and all the work involved in love, in the context of a commitment to do that work together, however hard or unexpected it might be.
If I were to make those promises again today, I would understand them very differently…. and I would mean them more, especially the promise to love. I would understand love in a way that was much less romantic, and much more about the daily texture of a shared life. I would understand love as a shifted center that creates not just a partnership but a family, which then proceeds to shift the balance yet again. I would understand love as a willingness to stay still instead of walking away, even when you don’t know what to say and know that saying the wrong thing could hurt both you and the one you love. Most of all, I would understand love as a joy that is so much more real than happiness.
So, for my shared reflection today, I offer this love poem to my husband and children about all the things that they have taught me about love and joy in daily moments.
What is this joy?
What is this joy?
that fills like helium,
one deep inhale and I am floating, tether-less…
What is this joy?
that sets my eyes to dance
in rhythm with the eyes I gaze and laugh into…
What is this joy?
in gentle fingers twined
through my long, tangled hair to make it beautiful…
What is this joy?
that fills the silent space
with promise that the words will come if I will wait…
What is this joy?
that rides the swells
and troughs and will not sink beneath the rolling waves….
What is this joy?
that forms a solid core
for this togetherness of constant, changing life…
What is this joy?
this joy is love,
the virtue that can only grow… when shared.
