Faith, Family, & Focaccia

A faith and culture Mommy blog, because real life gets all mixed together like that.


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Broken Body, Resurrection Hope: Day 18 of the April Poetry Challenge

Today is Good Friday – the culmination of the Lenten contemplation of our personal and communal brokenness and our need for the Resurrection that comes on Easter Sunday.

I am feeling, pretty desperately, the need for that resurrection hope after the past few months. Ever since returning to the States in January from our European sojourn I’ve felt compelled to re-engage in a way I had been resisting while I had the excuse of a separating ocean. Specifically, I’ve been re-engaging with the American Church. In a blessed and wonderful that has meant re-engaging with the congregation that sent us out three years ago, and what a homecoming that has been. I have never in my life felt so grateful for a church family.

More broadly, however, this has meant re-engaging with the Christian Culture Wars that are rending the American Church into mutually despising pieces. I have a side in these wars, and I can’t pretend they are over petty things that we should just agree to stop fighting about. Scriptural Authority and the Love of Neighbor are really major issues that go to the core of people’s beliefs – I get that. There is no easy solution.

And yet, my heart has been breaking, each time I read a new Kissing Fish article, or blog post about the World Vision policy switch, or personal story of a former student at my Alma Mater, that all reveal just how broken, and sometimes hateful, my larger church body has become. This Lenten season for me has involved a lot of grieving, and crying out to God for answers – for hope that this supposed “body of Christ “can be saved.

Those are hard prayers to pray, hard questions to ask. But, I’m glad to have gone through this Lenten season, because I have heard an answer. The great thing about Lent is that is ends. And it ends with resurrection. And that is a powerful answer to questions about brokenness and death.


Broken Body, Resurrection Hope
Forty day journey nears its end,

time for reflection and remorse,

a time our hearts are meant to lend

attention to a change of course.

 

And yet… these weeks have witnessed pain

not of repentance, but of pride

that marks white robes, already stained

by ripping wounds caused from inside.

 

This Church, this body, meant to be

united by one Spirit’s breath,

appears, to tear-soaked eyes, to me,

to be a witness more to death.

 

Death of love, and death of grace,

unable to extend a hand

when its own member’s wounded face

asks faithfulness to understand.

 

“I can still love the God you serve

but disagree with you about

five scriptures that expose a nerve,

about the sanctity of doubt.”

 

But wounded hands pull back in fists,

defensive, curled around the pain,

with closed-off ears, both sides insist

“I am the right, you are to blame.”

 

Self-righteousness that tears and rends

a body meant to live as one.

Contracted muscles can’t extend

to open arms as did the Son.

 

For soon we’ll see another form

broken, hanging on a tree

Good Friday calls us near to mourn

the sacrifice on Calvary.

 

Oh, may that memory impart

return to humble brokenness,

give healing balm to bleeding heart,

heal lips that struggle to confess.

 

We all are broken, every one,

and all imperfect in our faith.

By the one Truth we’re all undone.

There is no credit we can take.

 

And brokenness like this is blessed

if it can cause us to return

to love, where arguments aren’t stressed

for we all know grace is unearned.

 

And, despite the bloody trail

the evidence of Church undone,

we can still rise in joy to hail

the Whole and Resurrected One.

 

He is our hope, alive and true

that broken body can still mend.

A dying Church can still renew

leave fear behind and rise again.


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Emanuel Consolation: Day 15 of the April Poetry Challenge

The last few days have brought me repeated reminders of just how painful life can be: friends facing health crises, a new (powerful) book about addiction and recovery, and story after story of people who have been hurt by churches or church people.

All this has made me wish I had the power to change all these pains – to heal both physical and spiritual wounds wherever I see them. Of course, I don’t have that power.

My second instinct is to wish that God would do it for me. And I pray, sincerely, for this to happen. But I also know that God is not my puppet, or my on-call Doctor, compelled to alleviate all manner of pain that results from the realities of a broken world. Sometimes horrible, painful, ugly things just happen and we can’t just snap our fingers and order God to fix the mess.

That raises a lot of theodicy issues, and those discussions are worth having, but today’s poem isn’t about that. It’s about the way that Christians talk about those horrible moments in life, and the way we offer each other consolation. We can’t change the pain, but maybe we can work on changing the way we talk about it.


 

Emmanuel Consolation

 

Have you ever heard it?

that most hurtful Christian consolation?

“God never gives you more than you can handle.”

 

Have you ever been struck in the gut

when you are already curled up,

weak as a fetus,

around your all-consuming pain?

 

I know it’s well-intentioned,

an effort at encouragement,

a way to say

you’ll make it”

with the extra certitude of FAITH.

 

But…

it’s

just

not

true.

 

Oh, I know the texts they quote

Romans 8:28,

or Philippians 4:13,

But these are not the blanket promises that some so blithely represent.

They are not a fool-proof safety net to guard against the impact

of life,

and death

and fear

and pain

and powerlessness.

They have to do with following the path of faith,

and having access to the strength for that path.

 

But… what happens when life stops you in your tracks?

when the thought of another step cannot even register;

when you are just trying to keep breathing;

and faith is not – cannot be –  a task you must accomplish in this moment?

 

What if they knew

those pious well-wishers,

those good-hearted believers trying to honestly offer you hope,

that their words might push you off the pilgrim’s path?

 

Because, if their words are true,

then the problem,

the darkness,

the hopelessness,

is all your fault – your lack of faith.

The promise only holds true

if you are the one who broke it,

the one who walked away.

And now the dark blanket of shame must wrap around you too,

holding in the words that might release a bit of pain,

blocking out the light of love and true consolation –

one who supports.

 

But I have GOOD NEWS,

that sounds at first like gospel’s bad, ne’r-do-well cousin

DOOM.

God never made those universal promises:

that it will all work out for good,

that you will have the strength.

In fact,

it might get worse.

your fear might materialize.

you might break down and not know how to put yourself back together.

 

And that horrible prospect

is my GOOD NEWS for you.

Because

no matter how dark,

how desperate,

how weak,

how wasted

you feel

It Is Never Evidence That You Have Walked Away

nor

That God Has Walked Away From You.

 

Because the promise God DOES make is:

Emmanuel

God with us.

With us in the darkness,

with us in the tears,

with us on the cross

with us in the grave.

AND

somewhere,

somehow,

in some completely unexpected way

in NEW LIFE.